Yes. The title is written correctly. I am about to admit we women are not always right. We do not always have the answers and we don’t always do what we should for the people we say we love. Before you completely judge me and turn your nose up at this post, hear me out and see if I’m the least bit accurate. Deal? Here we go!
It seems to me that some women are under the misconception that they can do no wrong. Women from all backgrounds and walks of life included. They blame their feelings and, in due time, actions on what’s either been taught to them or done to them. Then when you put social networking and the media in the mix, you have a big ball of females from the ages of 16-36 acting a plain ass. I happen to believe in strong fulfilling relationships and believe in doing the necessary work to maintain the positive ones. Notice I said positive ones. There’s a huge difference between a relationship that seems good and one that is good for you but I’ll touch that on another blog.
Cutting to the chase, here are some of the things that, in my opinion help women to mess up potentially good relationships. Some of these you may not have considered before.
The issue: Financial Resentment. This is a vice that has been fueled by popular music and reality television. It happens when a woman is in a relationship with someone that does not have the financial means to provide the expensive lifestyle that she wants to have. She’ll find herself belittling the mate, making smart comments and snide remarks. Comparing them to what someone else has or what such and such’s man or woman bought for her. Embarrassing them in public settings and creating unnecessary tension between the two of them. It’s displaced jealousy and can tear a relationship apart quicker than one season of RHOA.
The reality: You choose to stay. No matter how real reality television is, it is not your reality. Therefore, a woman making someone feel small because of what isn’t being purchased for her when she’s nowhere in the situation to receive such extravagance is ridiculous. How can you resent someone for not buying you something when they don’t have the money? If you want it so bad, get your happy behind up and get it yourself since it’s so easy! At the end of the day, if a woman feels so strongly about being spoiled with material things, then it’s up to her to get her act together and attract the type of money she requires. Or, she could be happy with something genuine because….you know what they say about burning bridges.
The issue: Judge, Jury and Stenographer. Okay, I admit to committing this one. Basically, a woman can feel so passionate and correct about a particular subject or incident in their relationship that they will ask the question, answer the question and the recall what the other person said relating the question prior to the discussion. Here’s an example:
When did I say that I would be alright with you having lunch with your ex?
What I said was I didn’t see why you wanted to see your ex again.
Then you said that she was still cool and it wasn’t a big deal
Then I said that it was a big deal and asked how you would feel if my ex asked me out to lunch.
Then you said you wouldn’t care because you trusted me.
Then I said that I could trust you all day but I don’t trust her and I wouldn’t be alright with that.
Then you said okay.
Then I said I’m serious.
And you said that you heard me.
I never said it would be alright!
The reality: Nothing gets accomplished. And, the listening party hates this! I guarantee it. It is literally the equivalent to a one woman firing squad and they’re still outnumbered because they can’t get a word in edgewise. It also proves that the woman can’t really let things go because they spend so much time storing up ammunition for the next argument they may get into. It’s annoying, time consuming and I am working on it (I’m just saying).
The issue: Antennas Up. When a woman’s trust is violated and her heart is broken, it’s not easy for her to become comfortable with someone else. However, some women don’t use the time in between relationships to heal and instead they get into another relationship. Now this can work out well for some women that have learned that all relationships are not created equal. But for those not in tune with that philosophy, it can become a crock-pot of suspicion and insecurity.
The reality: They didn’t do it. It’s always a bad idea for a woman to go into a relationship 100% guarded because she’ll never give herself a chance to fully hear what the other person is trying to say to her or do for her. All she’s going to see is what her past has done to her. The truth is, the person she’s with now, didn’t do anything to her back then. And if they keep taking heat for what someone else did, they’ll either find another somebody OR they’ll find another somebody and do to that person what she did to them. A woman has to find a way to let all of that baggage go.
These are just a few things that can hinder a relationship and create additional problems that no one wants to deal with nor are they ready for. My take on a woman’s faults is simple. No one is perfect so no one should go around acting as if they are. Relationships can be beautiful if you treat them in such a way. Take accountability for what has been done on your part and make a conscious effort to do better…and then better than that.